


Keep blooming, Alex

by happylilthought



Series: Chalex Week 2020 [2]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Chalex Week 2020, ChalexWeek2020, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, POV Outsider, chalex - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25695175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happylilthought/pseuds/happylilthought
Summary: Alex was stronger than her. Alex had come out the other side of the darkness. He’d fought to escape the destructive thoughts, and behaviours, and ultimately made a better reality for himself. As sad as Hannah was that she couldn’t say the same, the pride she felt for Alex shone like a constellation.Alex was the epitome of growth. His vines that were once twisted and rotten, barely sprouting signs of new life had flourished into a new bloom Jessica only faintly recognized. He’d made that choice on his own. He’d made the decision to turn his life around and share that hope with all of them. Jessica’s respect for him only multiplied as she watched him cultivate this new future.Day 2 of Chalex Week 2020: Outsider Perspective
Relationships: Charlie St. George & Alex Standall, Charlie St. George/Alex Standall
Series: Chalex Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862938
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31
Collections: Chalex Week 2020





	Keep blooming, Alex

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N: This is a bit of a two-parter. I loved ‘FML’ so I wanted to write both Jessica and Hannah’s outsider perspectives of Chalex. 
> 
> Storytime (mentions of sexual assault, r****, and s******): When I had first read 13 Reasons Why as a teenager, it became my favourite book. It felt a bit morbid to tell people that it was your favourite book, but I was a bit of a hipster, and the book had a small cult following at the time. I definitely romanticized Hannah’s character and choices, including the way Clay felt about her. When I grew up and re-read the story a few times, and definitely after watching the show I realized how obsessive and slightly toxic Clay’s character could be. When I watched the show, I really fell for Alex’s character, and don’t remember loving him as much when I read the book, so I have plans to re-read it again now that I’ve finished the show. Jessica - Where do I start with Jessica? When I first read the story, I knew something bad had happened, but I wasn’t educated on sexual assault. We weren’t taught that in school, and I didn’t fully understand what had happened at Courtney’s party. I didn’t fully understand what had happened to Jessica or Hannah. 
> 
> I had an experience in university that really took a toll on me for years. Again, I didn’t know it was sexual assault at first, and when I learned about that later I:  
> a) felt like my experience wasn’t as valid as someone who had actually been r****  
> b) felt really fucking stupid that I hadn’t remembered that something similar happened in my favourite book and felt like I should have learned from that  
> c) didn’t know how to cope with it for a long time, especially a particular phrase I was told by the abuser after it happened  
> d) felt really ashamed, didn’t tell many people what happened, and blamed/took it out on myself
> 
> When the show came out, it was really hard for me to watch the first two seasons and relive some s****** and assault memories. I ended up really relating to Alex and think that’s why he is very precious to me, and I’m always scared to miswrite his character? And part of me is also nervous to write Jessica because I felt such a connection to her, and wished I could’ve had someone like that around when this happened to me. 
> 
> So to go back to the original note, I wanted to show the perspective of both Jessica and Hannah’s thoughts on Alex’s overall growth, and relationship with Charlie. After the finale, I was curious what it would be like to know how Hannah actually felt about how all their lives ended up. I guess this is a bit of a ghost!AU, but I wanted to involve Hannah’s perspective since she is still the third part of FML.]

**(Hannah’s POV)**

What happens when you die? Everyone asks that question, and most people are scared of the answer. When you choose to take your own life - stop that future entirely? - you aren’t really thinking about what happens after. You are selfishly engulfed in heightened emotions, most of them dark and spiteful and you don’t really care to be talked out of it. 

Of course Hannah had planned out her decision, her legacy of what she wanted them all to learn from it, but she didn’t really know how her choice was going to impact everyone. 

She had an idea of course - the lessons she wanted them to treasure, the attitudes she wanted to destroy, the lies and truths she exposed. But none of it would compare to all of the fallout that came after. 

It was hard to watch how everyone coped with her death. Easier to focus on the tapes, and the thirteen reasons she’d left. Watching the destruction of the life she’d known, the family she loved, the friends she cared for… she didn’t expect that guilt could follow you into death. 

_Alex Standall. It’s your turn._

_Remember when you were the skinny weird kid checking Jessica and I out at Monet’s? Just moved to Evergreen County, and didn’t know anyone?  
_ _Look where you are now._

_I liked the septum piercing; kind of miss that. Your hair’s better though._

_Remember when we thought hot chocolate could fix everything? How naive we were._

_You called yourself a searcher once. Isn’t it odd that when you’re at the brink of it all, you don’t have the heart to search inside yourself for reasons not to take your own life? All of a sudden they all disappear and the only clear direction you can see is out?_

_I’m really glad your way out was through.  
_ _Endurance.  
_ _Hope._

_Even if you didn’t see it in yourself, we did. It manifested just like your anger. But you know what’s so great about hope, Alex? It’s eternal. It’s everlasting. You can always find it again, even when you think it’s gone for good._

~

**(Jessica’s POV)**

_I remember the day Charlie started working at The Cresmont. This annoying in-your-face ray of fucking sunshine who was so eager to learn one of the most boring jobs ever. His face would light up even when he was on gum scraping duty._

_I thought he was a joke. I didn’t have the patience to deal with him and thought he was just another jock trying to mansplain how the world worked._

_I misjudged him. I didn’t really give him the time of day, and I guess that’s why I was so surprised when you did?_

_I talked to Justin about it, actually. That night after you left Clay’s with Tyler? Justin told me you’d all been hanging out and I thought that was weird, especially after everything that went down that fall._

“What do you mean he’s friends with Tyler?” 

Justin smirked, cocking an eyebrow at Jessica as he turned his attention back to the beeping microwave, swearing as the microwaved popcorn wrapper burned his fingers. 

“They’ve been hanging out for a few weeks. Zach told me” Justin shrugged, pouring the popcorn into a bowl and bringing it back to the bed. Clay was out with Ani and he and Jess had the garage to themselves. “And that St. George kid is actually kind of nice? I don’t know why you’re so mean to him.” 

“I’m not mean to him!” Jess protested, picking a kernel out of the bowl and flicking it at Justin’s nose. “I’m his boss.” 

Justin scoffed, “You always yell at him. Come on, he’s not that bad. He even brings cookies to most practices. Says he’s trying out new recipes, but I think it’s an excuse to load us up on carbs.” 

“Cookies?” Jess smirked, curling into Justin’s shoulder as he turned the TV on and they flipped through some movie options. “I’m gonna start calling him that.” 

~

**(Hannah’s POV)**

_I wish I’d met Charlie. I don’t remember him much. Probably ignored his existence since he was friends with Monty._

_Anyone who’s willing to put himself in harm's way for you has to be a good guy, Alex.  
_ _I think you needed some of that optimism in your life._

_I recognized that spiral all too well._

Alex was stronger than her. Alex had come out the other side of the darkness. He’d fought to escape the destructive thoughts, and behaviours, and ultimately made a better reality for himself. As sad as Hannah was that she couldn’t say the same, the pride she felt for Alex shone like a constellation. 

_It hurt to watch you with Bryce. It hurt to watch you destroy yourself again, and again and that rage just manifested into this stranger. You were so angry, and I know that part of me caused that._

_I was selfish and cruel to blame you all for what transpired. I felt like blaming everyone else for the snowball that occurred would bring some justice._

_It was a stupid list. A stupid cry for help. You wanted to fit in, and be ‘one of the guys’. It was foolish, and as mad as I was, I should’ve seen the signs._

_Maybe I did, and I just ignored them._

_I’m sorry for hurting you, Alex. I really am._ _  
_ _You were my best friend. You didn’t deserve that._ _  
_ _Neither did Jessica._

_We were so young. So focused on all the ways we didn’t measure up._

_There’s so much more to life.  
_ _I didn’t care to see that. I couldn’t.  
_ _I’m so glad you did._

~

**(Jessica’s POV)**

_You were pretty clueless. It was obvious that the puppy had the biggest crush on you when we came back from Winter Break. He would follow you around and make eyes at you, who were so oblivious to it all._

_It’s actually kind of funny to look back now.  
_ _Funny, but also surreal._

_I was so fucking mad at you for trying to leave me.  
_ _I couldn’t go through with that all over again. You were so selfish.  
_ _You knew how much it hurt to lose Hannah, and you did it anyway._

_Do you remember what you said to me? After you got home from the hospital?  
_ _“Why couldn’t it have just worked?”_

_I am so relieved it didn’t._ _  
_ _I think you are too.  
__Fuck that, I know you are._

Alex was the epitome of growth. His vines that were once twisted and rotten, barely sprouting signs of new life had flourished into a new bloom Jessica only faintly recognized. He’d made that choice on his own. He’d made the decision to turn his life around and share that hope with all of them. Jessica’s respect for him only multiplied as she watched him cultivate this new future.

_You are so much happier now. I’m not saying it would’ve worked out between us if you were ‘better’ when we were dating, but that doesn’t make me love you any less - Maybe a little surprised that you are also into guys, but you can’t help who you love._

_Especially when they bring out the best version of you. That’s never wrong._

~

**(Hannah’s POV)**

_You deserve to be happy, Alex._

_Look at you now._

_You got into Berkeley!_ _  
_ _You’re out of this small, restricting town, and thriving in college._

_You’ve found your people. Your passions._

_You found a healthy relationship where you can truly be yourself._

_He is so transcendent - reminds me of a poem:_

_“As sunbeams grace my cold cheeks, I am reminded that we too have the power to warm the world with our inherent light.”_

_Charlie is that light._ _  
_ _The epitome of goodness and hope._

_I’m so glad you welcomed him into your life, Alex._

_He complements you.  
_ _Highlights all of your best features and brings them into the sunlight.  
_ _Just like a piece of stained glass._

~

**(Jessica’s POV)**

_Sometimes the most beautiful things come into your life unexpected.  
_ _Sometimes it’s the wrong time.  
_ _Sometimes it’s hidden.  
_ _But they grab you by the heartstrings and imprint on your entire future._

_A part of you will always cherish them even if they leave you._

_I know what it’s like to lose the people you love.  
_ _I know what it’s like to see the impact they made on you, and how that sticks with you forever._

_Even when the candle’s burnt out, the wick’s still there. It can still flicker back into your life with the faint reminiscing of what was._

_We both know that feeling, Alex._

_That’s why it’s so encouraging to see you grow into yourself with Charlie. Develop into this multi-faceted human being that has so much to give._

_Please keep sharing that hope because it’s such a beautiful gift._

_You are living proof that things get better. Blossom into a new season, a new life to offer.  
_ _Keep blooming, Alex._

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N: The poem Hannah mentions is by Caroline Miskenack.
> 
> Phew okay I know this was kind of one sided onto the perspective of Alex, but FML Forever. 
> 
> This was a bit of a heavy one for me to write, so I’d appreciate learning your thoughts about it. XO <3]


End file.
